The pain of being human

That may sound like a heavy title and I suppose it is. But the title reflects something I've been feeling for a while now. The title should actually be "The pain of being human in the modern world" because that is what I really have in mind. Yes, pain is universal and can not be avoided no matter what kind of society or culture one lives in. But the pain that comes from living in the modern world, especially for anyone attempting to live consciously, is of a different order of magnitude entirely. In indigenous cultures before colonisation - and to varying degrees following colonisation (and the attempted genocide that invariably accompanies colonisation) - pain is limited to a small number of short-term occurrences. Physical pain as a result of an accident or fight. Sikness. The death of a loved one. Marital infidelity perhaps or a failed relationship. Oral cultures (to use another expression for the small-scale societies I have in mind) have ways of dealing with the pain arising from the vicissitudes of life, ways that had been established since time immemorial. The remedy is quick. Pain is experienced and then it can be allowed to pass. With death, for example, grieving is deep, self-expression is full and the pain passes quickly. It is not necessary to hang on, to repress, suppress, or to deny or dissociate from the experience. People grieve and than move on. How different things are in our culture!

But things start a lot earlier, don't they? Babies in native cultures are born naturally, "at home" - that is, in the bush, under a tree - in the presence of older family members who can support the mother as they were themselves supported. Hospital births only occur with the coming of the colonists - and with it drugs, surgical procedures and other medical interventions that were once unheard of and would have been seen as unnatural and even bizarre. The birth experience for mother and baby is magical. There is no need for repression or dissociation. Both mother and baby can remain conscious, that is, aware, connected, enlivened, energised, filled with hope. The baby is breastfed, as the mother had herself been breastfed and as millions of babies before had been breastfed. The baby is carried everywhere in constant contact with the mother, again as has been the custom since time immemorial. The baby sleeps with the mother. Where else would she sleep? The mother hasn't been told how dangerous this practice is, as modern mothers are told by ignorant professionals. When the baby cries she is immediately comforted. What else could a mother do, unless ignorant busybodies with nothing better to do than to go around scaring mothers away from their natural instincts have sown the seeds of doubt? "Child care" means maternal care, or care by the father, by siblings, aunts and uncles, or grandparents - or other family members. Why would anyone consider leaving a baby or infant with paid strangers who do not have a natural bond with the baby but care for him because they are paid to do so? Why would anyone even think of such an arrangement? "Education" is undertaken by the elders as well as everyone else as soon as the baby is born and continues throughout life. Why would anyone invent "preschools", "schools" and other places where the process of learning is cut off from life?" How could such a crazy idea ever arise in the first place?

So, when the child leaves childhood behind and becomes an adolescent she is conscious, not unconscious. Vital, alive, filled with joy and passion and hope, loved and loving. Well before the age of twenty, if she is a woman, she will have already given birth to her own baby. Why on earth would she wait?

In our own culture, this is not how things are, obviously. What I am finding, to my horror, is that, even after I have spent many years healing the disastrous results of my parents' way of handling babies and young children, not to mention the hideous results of war and other forms of violence, I still have to deal with my own family -including my own children - many of whom are still experiencing their own pain. It certainly isn't easy. I am finding that remaining conscious is almost as difficult as becoming conscious - not that I claim to have reached some sort of final conscious state anyway! It is a constant, ongoing process, a process without end. I already knew all this , of course. But it is even more difficult than I once thought. To remain hopeful and not give in to despair is a human task, one that I face daily. It may not be equally difficult for everyone. But it is a human task we all share, those of us who live in the 21st century, especially if we have chosen consciousness over that lovely peaceful state of sleep called normalcy. Thankfully, it is a hell of a lot easier with the supprt of a loving partner. In this regard I feel very fortunate indeed. Perhaps there is some divine force operating in the universe after all?